Spaces in between;

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Monday, June 30, 2008

Black and White.

"Life might try its best to get us down, but deep in all of us lies the strength and resolve to strive for what we believe in. Things that are worth fighting for, so smile (: "

And yes, I will smile. I will face this all with a smile. I got only what i deserved, for i never did bother to put in ANY effort. It's a major wake up call now, and i'm gonna strive for what i know i am capable of. I must not, and will not let those who believe in me down.
Thank you demon and wyntrice for the hugs of comfort. Thank you BuZhiDao for caring enough to ask and cheer me up. Thank you ethel for always being around to listen to my problems and unhappiness. Thank you to all the TSD people of WEISBEHURR and many others who were there to do crazy things with me and help me forget all my woes without even trying to. TSD showcase tonight was a great success(: Tomorrow night will be too!

Today, i saw a new side of you, a side i never thought would surface, a side i never even thought existed. You surprised me, but then again what can i say? Life is full of surprises, people are full of surprises. Haha. I don't wanna think anymore.

Thank you fatboy, for the very comforting words above. (:

Labels: You can't even see the Gray.

ambiguity revealed 7:59 AM

Y
Sunday, June 29, 2008

The Simple Life.

I just came home, from the most tiring walk home EVER.
But it was also really fun! Hahaha. I sped walk to Loyang Point at about 2040 to get my ID photo taken for the council board. I rushed like crazy cause i wasn't sure if the shop was gonna close at 2100 or 2130. Bryan was being really paranoid! He kept saying that it should be closed by now (then) 'cause it's a sunday today and people won't wanna work so late. Okay but i also rushed because there were bolts of lightning flashing across the sky and thunder rolling in the distance. Anyways, THANK GOODNESS. When i got there the shop was still open so i took my ID photo. HAHA, the guy at the photo shop said that the guy that came earlier before me, is really handsome. Guess who? SEAN FOO. HAHAHA OMG.
Okay that aside, i had to wait 30 mins just to get my ID photos! 'Cause they were printing some 300+ photos for some God knows who person so i had to wait! Which meant eating dinner for half an hour, ALONE. I swear, it was the most depressing dinner i've ever had in my life. It's also the first, and hopefully the last dinner, that i ate all by myself ): Met up with Seanie after i got my photoss and i teased him about his "admirer", THE ID PHOTO GUY! Hahahaha! Then he chased me all over on the road just to steal my ID photos 'cause he wanted to see them! It was SO fun 'cause we were running in the middle of the road back and forth at full speed like as if we owned the road. In the end we came to a compromise and swap one photo each. Hahaha it was a fun walk(: And for just a moment, i felt myself slipping away from reality. Just laughing and playing and happy for real, haha oh well, it lasted but a moment.
Didn't have anything much to do today so i wrote tons of post-it notes for tons of people. Half of them aren't even in TPJC so i'm gonna have to pass them to my MJ friends. Tomorrow night is gonna be a blast! 'Cause WEISBEHURR is performing at the J2 TSD PUBLIC SHOWCASE at the TPJC BB! WHOOHOO. Okay i really hope everything goes smoothly and that they will all do fantastic! They've really put in alot of effort for their group piece and it's timeto show the public what their capable of! (: GO GUYS! Hopefully i can meet up with Bry soon (:

ambiguity revealed 7:52 AM

Y
Friday, June 27, 2008

Red Alert mode

I was absolutely mean today.

I trapped myself from deep within for for too long. Now all the million and one different emotions i'm feeling are all piling up, pushing against the gates of my heart. Anytime now, those gates will burst open; or will it not?

There are so many words i want to scream out loud for all the world to hear.
All my hopes
All my dreams
All my fears
All my anguish
All my joy
All my pride
All that i love
All that i pray for
All my flaws
All my pain.
I am luckier than many others out there. I should be thankful, I should be content with all that i have around me. But so many moments, i don't know what to feel, how to react. Because I am so tired of always being okay. Everything i do i think you you people first. I don't need recognition, i don't need praise. But all i'm asking is for people to be more conscious about their actions and speech. I'm not even making sense now. I'm just ranting and ranting non stop on this cyberSPACE, literally. What's wrong with me. I need to shape up. I need to find a direction in life. I am missing a few people very very badly at this moment in time. Russell, Bry, Demon, Tara, Ethel.

No, it won't. 'Cause i'll be okay in just awhile. Like how i always am.

ambiguity revealed 6:54 AM

Y
Thursday, June 26, 2008

Oh no i just keep on fallin

Free-IQTest.net - Free IQ Test

Oh dear, My IQ's goin' from bad to worse.

The math paper today wasn't difficult. In fact, the standard of the paper was definitely, really low. Heh, but I still screwed it up really badly 'cause i didn't know how to use th calculator, some sums stumped me 'cause i ain't got no idea we were even taught to do them. I guess that's the price to pay for not paying attention during lectures and not handing any tutorial assignments for the past 6 months, for math (mainly). I'm feeling pretty perplexed right now. My mind, has two different visions before them. One, a blank piece of paper filled with never ending scribbles all over the place. Every corner, every inch of this piece of paper has been covered with scribbles so much so that you can't even tell what the original base colour of this piece of paper was. The other, a blank piece of paper, waiting to be written on neatly, clear-headedly.

I don't know if it'll make sense to anyone, actually I don't really care either. The thing is, I know i have been procrastinating for far too long and i should have stopped, since forever. On the other hand, i sometimes see no purpose in what i am doing at this point in my life. Take the exams for example. I haven't studied for anything so far, not because i'm lazy and don't want to but because everytime i flip open my books and see line after line after line after lines of words that don't really mean anything to me; i lose interest. Are they really important? Am i studying just so i can ace the exams, become a top student and get all the glory for it? What is the point really? Going for the exams without studying feels like going to a battle without a weapon. It's like sparring unarmed, with an army much srtonger than my own, an army that's fully equipped; ready to take my life. But studying without a purpose then feels like going to battle for the sake of going to battle. Just following orders and fighting for nothing at all. Either ways, I will most likely lose the battle, and i will definitely be unhappy.

I know i can stop all this retarded battle no battle nonsense and just get my head into studying and evade all the failure. But you know something, try as i might, i still will never be able to runaway from the unhappiness within.

Hung out with Visa and Ethel today at the mall after school. It was pretty cool and relaxing to have random company that's really interesting. Visa seems so, sure. Of what he's doing. It doesn't matter the length of time he's "wasted" as what most people might say. I don't think he wasted it though, it was more like, realization. Now, he's so clear and he knows exactly where he's headin' for. Or at least it seems so.

Sigh, i needa get back on track.

Labels: Back to the same old

ambiguity revealed 5:13 AM

Y
Wednesday, June 25, 2008

MATH STINKS.

Happy Birthday Heng Xinyi!

Secrets About Yourself.

(Be honest no matter what)

[One] Who was your last text from?

: Bryan Lim

[Two] Where was your default picture

taken at?

: Uh...?

[Three ] What's your full name?

: Kimberly Wang Zhi Hui

[Four] Your current relationship

status?

: Let's see, attached. Nah, Married with kids grandkids and great-grand kids.

[Five] Does your crush(s) like you

back?

: Uh, I don't know cause i ain't crushin' on anyone.

[Six] What is your current mood?

: Frustrated 'cause of math.

[Seven] What's your mom's name?

: Doris Ong

[Eight] What color shirt are you

wearing?

: Black

[Nine] What was the last thing you

drank?

: Plain water

[Ten] If you could go back in time and

change something, would you?

: No.

[Eleven] Have a crazy side?

: Yeah.

[Twelve] Ever had a near death

experience?

: On a very frequent basis.

[Thirteen] Something you do a lot?

: Think.

[Fourteen] Angry at anyone?

: No.

[Fifteen] Do you wanna see somebody

right now?

: Yeah, alot of people actually.

[Sixteen] Name someone with the same

birthday as you?

: Fajrina

[Seventeen] When was the last time you

cried?

: Uh i can't remember already..

[Eighteen] Who would you do anything

for?

: Um, most of my friends?

[Nineteen] Who is your idol?

: I have no idols, but i do look up to great people.

[Twenty] What's the first thing you

notice about the opposite gender?

: Overall,

[Twenty-one] What do you usually

order from starbucks?

: java chip mocha frappe.

[Twenty-two] What's your biggest

secret?

: They're all pretty much the same size. Please luh why the heck would i disclose my biggest secret here.

[Twenty-four] Favorite movie?

: Quite a few.

[Twenty-five] Do you still watch

kiddy movies or tv shows?

: sometimes. I like Clifford the Big Red Dog.

[Twenty-six] What are you eating

or drinking at the moment?

: Water vapour.

[Twenty-seven ] Do you speak any

other language?

: chinese and Kimbuage.

[Twenty-eight] What's your favorite

smell?

: gucci envy.

[Thirty] Have you ever kissed in

the rain?

: Nah.

[Thirty-one] Do you like the rain?

: very much actually.

[Thirty-two] What are you thinking about right now?

: BK. (:

Labels: If i could just run away.

ambiguity revealed 5:32 AM

Y
Tuesday, June 24, 2008

We're all young and crazy.

Hangin' out with Bry, Lorri and Russ always makes my day.
Went over to Loretta's place to study today and Bryan was SO FUNNY.
" Let's switch on the aircon, where's the remote for the aircon? *looks all over the place for the remote controller, under soft toys books papers behing the door in the cupboard* EH WHERE IS IT? I thought she usually leaves it here? * points to a random spot* No meh? Yes what? * looks all over again* OH, THERE!"
It was in a pretty big basket, beside the very big television in Lorri's room. Bryan's quite blind. HAHA ;p.
*Bryan hits the ON button on the remote x 5* '' EH! HOW COME CANNOT ON ONE!! "
Okay we got it switched on in the end, it turns out that the remote's battery was kinda dead that's why it didn't work even thought Bry kept hitting the ON button about 29379864925623 times.

Then Lorri comes home and she's so funny too, we were looking at all the childhood photographs she pasted on the walls in her room. Bryan looked like a dork. =/ HAHAHA Okay okay just in case he reads this and kills me, BRY! You look much better now so don't worry! ;p And she just had to show bryan my primary school photo.. Which looks downright embarrassing. We were really hungry so we went downstairs and bought suishi for lunch! at 5 pm, yeah you heard me right.

Russell came along. And from then on all four of us just had fun talking about stuff that happened in school, about people we know ( bryan was the only one trying to study but he too gave up in the end cause we were, okay actually maybe it's me lol, all too noisy.) Threw pillows at each other, tried to stop me from jumpin' outta the window from the 21st storey ( okay FYI, i WASN'T really gonna jump out. -.-" We were all just being dramatic okay, okay, I was dramatic and they were concerned about my mental state of mind. hahahahaa. Watch " My Amazing Story " on the discovery channel web until Lorri's mum and brother got home. Then we left at about 7pm.

It's was raining. And i love walking in the rain. It's theraputic.
I love you guys so much. (:

I cleaned my room today! I think i was influenced by Lorri's pretty neat room that's why i just felt this major urge to clean my room up. Suddenly, it seems so much bigger. I can see more of the floors and my desk and everything else. I also revamped my billboard! (: I'd post pictures but my camera is really lousy and i couldn't get a decent shot of it so maybe some other time. I can't wait for the exams to be over so we can all hang out and play like crazy. Plus! SHAWN TING IS COMING BACK! I am so darn excited to see that guy again man, except that iknow he's much fatter now and that kinda like puts me off abit cause he ain't too tall so... Shawn you know i don't mean it! ;p Haven't seen that san frans guy for 6 months! Whao, we've got major catching up to do and a food list to complete, which means i'm gonna get pretty fat myself as well.
Nasi Lemak
Chicken Rice
Blackpepper chicken rice
Laksa
Ba Kut Teh
Prata
More Prata
Meepok
And alot of other foodstuffs that shawn ( the hungry ghost ) listed.
It's gonna be crazy!

Labels: Okay mostly crazy.

ambiguity revealed 7:35 AM

Y
Monday, June 23, 2008

Round, and round again.

I want to ride in the Singapore Flyer.

Labels: and from there we fall so freely

ambiguity revealed 8:47 AM

Y
Sunday, June 22, 2008

Run like the wind.

Yesterday when i took ONE helium balloon, Bryan called me a kid.
I like helium ballons.
They're so colourful.
I like having a whole bunch ot helium balloons.
I like writing nonsensical things on them, and then letting them go high up into the air.
No, i don't pen my wishes on them, for they never come true.
But i really like helium balloons. (:
IN BULK. HAHA.

I DO APPRECIATE TAGS PEOPLE. SO DO TAG (:

ambiguity revealed 12:55 AM

Y
Saturday, June 21, 2008

Flashback

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to kermit
Happy birthday to you.

Happy 19th kermit. No, i didn't forget. You're 19. I pray that'd you be fine someday, soon. That you'll find inner peace, that you'll be happy and cheery, funny and delightful, healthy and safe always. Study hard and get good grades in your examinations, then you'd be able to reach and do whatever you want to in life. Do your best in everything no matter how hard it might seem. You'll be okay.
Happy birthday kermit.

School starts on monday. Exams start on Monday.
Sometimes i'm so tired of doing the things i HAVE to do. Instead of doing the things i WANT to do. Whatever happened to free will? I guess there really ain't many people out there who daresay that they don't care about what society wants them to be. That they don't care how the society will look upon them for their lack of conformity. That they don't care how everyone is busy running the rat race and that they just want to pursue what the really want in life. Become a professional dancer, musician, artist, etc. Whatever is might be. I hate to say that I myself, don't have the guts to say that as well. Everytime i want to run away from the system, with rather bizarre thoughts in my head, I know at the end of the day i have been moulded and tamed by the system itself and our society already. I am, most unfortunately, too cowardly to escape the system.

On a lighter note, I went out to study with russell and bryan today. Thongs was supposed to come along but she didn't, and Lorri came really LATE. Hahaha. Geography geography I think i'm gonna fail my geography, and possibly my TSD theory paper too. Gee, got a major heart attack after i read our seniors' exam paper last year. Sometimes i wonder, what have i gotten myself into? I really wouldn't mind being the main character of " Back to the Future " and finding out about what my future will be like. Then I could just ditch all the nonsensical and unecessary things that i'm putting myself through right now because of the ambiguity of what the future might hold. Bryan's really disciplined ( mostly only in his studies HAHA). Man, Russell and I wasted hellalotta time talking about stuff that mattered. And bryan was just sitting there. Studying, studying, thinking, trying, solving, learning. I totally SALUTE that guy man. My attention span is like, 10 mins on a good day; Literally. This is when i use the expression "pffffttt..." But it was a good day, we watched a movie at about 5 when Lorri came, ate suishi ( bryan wouldn't let me eat at first 'cause that guy says that im gettin' fat, then when i ask him if i'm fat he says no. TSK, BOYS.) Had lotsa fun, and FOOD. (:
Russell says he has another surprise for me, about a week from now! I can't wait! <3

Labels: Rewind

ambiguity revealed 7:24 AM

Y
Wednesday, June 18, 2008

fiction or reality.

I had a nightmare.

I dreamt that we all, were in a war. Everything was shattered.
Destroyed.
The only thing i could think of,
were all the people i love.
All the people that matter to me.

I searched through the rubble.
For Bryan Lim, Russell Chan, Loretta Ho, Taralyn Teo, Sean Foo, Desmond, Ethel Tan.
I searched, desperately.
I cannot explain the emotion i felt when i found them all safe and sound, one by one.

Sounds pretty stupid huh. But i guess it's really true.
It was my subconscious mind that was telling me,
These, are the people that matter to me most at this point in time.
and these, are the people i love, at this point in time.

I cried the hardest when i found Bry, Russ, Tara and Sean.

ambiguity revealed 9:30 PM

Y
Friday, June 13, 2008

DEBATE.

I LOVE TEMASEK DEBATE!
I had SO MUCH FUN last night back in tms(: First surprise of the day: RUSSELL was in school too! YAY. Second surprise: Mr Terence Yeo and Mr Vincent Toh! (: These two ( especially Mr terence Yeo are like the funniest and friendliest teachers in school man. Among the Men.) Anyways, Mr yeo said he was growing Fat. HAHAHAHA. WHATEVER!
Anyways, hung out with russ and CHRIS! at the canteen for awhile before meeting up with the debators. They started preparing water bombs and all and WENG GOT DUNKED! HAHAHA. *yes everyone this is when you applaud me* I just took the pail and dunked it over his head. And I had to chase him all over the parade square and bball court too. ARGH WENG. Made me run like crazy.Okay but heck it was so fun.
Then we had to start Barbequeing. And guess what, Weng bought some lousy self-starting-charcoal thing which couldn't light up. we spent about an hour just trying to get the charcoal to burn and had to resort to using lighter fluid to get it burning. It was HILARIOUS. Finally we started cookin and all. Then we all sat down at the teacher's table, no less, for dinner(:
IT WAS GOOD. (I was hungry) IT WAS DARN GOOD. And miss siti's veggie's were the BEST! After that, we all had pretty cupcakes the miss siti bought for us all, to thank us for going for camp.

We really should be thanking you guys instead. (:
I had a great time ( dunking pails of water and throwing water bombs at weng)!

Labels: IS LOVE.

ambiguity revealed 10:53 PM

Y
Thursday, June 12, 2008

So Close
Jon McLaughlin

You're in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams must die
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
Now you're beside me and look how far we've come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We're so close
To reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close

And still so far

I called them all, way too many times before someone, finally picked up the phone. Why is it that when they're needed most, they just so happen to disappear, at that moment in time.
Ananke: The natural order of things.
Is it to help us learn, to become more independent. To become more resilent. Doesn't work all the time, 'Cause if MC didn't pick up the phone, probably nobody else would have to anymore.

Hung ouy with my two bestfriends Tara and Russ. And they really made my day. They didn't question, they didn't probe, they didn't even act any different, than how they usually would. They made me feel safe, they helped me stay brave. Without even trying, they just do, in they're own very special way. Taralyn's nuts, she just HAD to use those pretty earrings for something. Heh. Tara spotted an ID photo machine. So each of us paid 2 bucks, and took really cool ID photos!

Yup, Russell's face can't be seen, Thanks to Tara and I (: And he kept complaining that he paid to bucks for a faceless photo. Well, Faceless or not, This photo is probably the most precious and meaningful photo to me, ever. I love you two. Taralyn, and Russell.

Went over to Coasta Sands Chalet (Pasir Ris) For my Secondary school class chalet. Saw all the very different yet somewhat familiar faces. Couldn't recognise ZuCheng at all even when he said Hi to me. Heh. Different, but mostly the same i guess. The food was SO GOOD. MX, can i go over to your house for dinner everynight from this day on? If your dad cooks. Hahaha the food's REALLY GOOOD. Nothing special, but definitely good. ;p
Okay guess what, we got pretty bored after dinner and all, so we play our class' all time favourite game. CAPTAIN'S BALL. Hahahaha it was SO LAME! But heck, we just played like crazy, like how we used to when we were still in school, like how we used to during PE. And that was definitely the time to see everyone, back to who they really were. It was really fun. ZUCHENG CAN'T CATCH THE BALL! Hahaha(: I skipped Full Frontal for the class chalet, but i guess, it was worth it. (:

Hung out with Bryan at the park after that, with nothing much to do in particular. So we just did really stupid and fun stuff like ATTEMPTING to walk through the mangrove swamp. I say attempting because i chickened out. Hahaha it was pitch black! you can't even see your fingers when you raise your hands in front of your face! So as usual, He laughed at me. Pfft. Went back to the chalet after an hour or so, to get my drinks. (:

MX, MIX HALF NEXT TIME. One shot is spastic, I couldn't taste it. =/

Oh, special mention; Thank you MC. Even though you're retarded. Thank you very much.

Labels: When i'm upset i go to my playground. Remember this.

ambiguity revealed 11:10 PM

Y
Wednesday, June 11, 2008

In a different light.

Time.
Some people say they've been waitin' for so long.
And then they say, they're tired.
But, how long is long?
Time.
If Man had not created a measurement for it,
All the Time that we've spent on waiting for that something special
could very well be nothin' more than a mere moment.

Went to school for TSD boot camp today. Looked real silly in front of all the J2 TSD seniors. Aw man, I got the group name wrong, TWICE. it's WEISBEHURR! =/
Spending time with the seniors today was really fun, and i got to know them better as well. MAN, they're all so funny! Like Conan and Naf. Hahaha, Hung out with Felina at the college's titanic too. We talked about so much stuff, and watched aeroplanes fly by as the glow of the evening sky faded to darkness.
There wasn't a star in sight.
There still isn't a star in sight tonight.

Fe dear, you'll be a'lrt. (:
Just see things in a different light, you deserve much more.
You go girl! <3

Demon's pretty good at makin' me smile. You see, he randomly texts me the random-est things. "I think i'm gonna shave my head again tomorrow."
"Uh, okay. Why is it getting too hot again?"
"Nah i just miss feeling the breeze going through my hair haha!"
"Dude, STAND IN FRONT OF THE FAN ;p"
And yes, percy pigs are nice(: Thank you.

You can fool the world,
But you can't fool me.
Of course, How can you fool someone
who's playing the same game.

Bestfriends lunch date tomorrow with Tara and Russ
I CAN HARDLY WAIT!
Then 4N class chalet!
And Full Frontal at 8pm at the Esplanade.

Your photography skills are pretty good, kermit.

Labels: it's right there in front of you.

ambiguity revealed 8:19 AM

Y
Tuesday, June 10, 2008

PLAY

Bryan's out clubbing.
Ethel's happily shopping in Bangkok.
Charissa and Wai yew are meetin' up in TOKYO.
I am at home.

Pffftttt......

Tomorrow i'll be hittin' school (AGAIN) for TSD boot camp! Hahaha it's pretty exciting, gonna help Sheisbehurr! They did really well for the prelims, (: GO YOU GUYS!
Let's see, will probably be bored at, many points in time especially without my babe ): So i guess i'll bring down all my chinese homework to complete and maybe some geog notes to read. Hmm, at least there're fun people like kevin, wendy and felina in school too! (:

RUSSELL YOU HAVE TO PLAN LUNCH. If not i'm gonna kill your TV. ;p
4N Class chalet's on Thursday! Oh man i so can't wait to see the family again! terence, curly( jonathan), xy, belle, mayves, mx, (:
And i've gotta hang out with taralyn more.

Just blindly chasin' a dream i don't know of.
Just clinging on to what's left to hope for.
Just wearily wishing upon those invisible stars.
Just living, 'cause time is not yet up.

ambiguity revealed 7:35 AM

Y
Sunday, June 8, 2008

dreams do come true?

When you look into my eyes
can you see what i feel?

ambiguity revealed 6:43 AM

Y
Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Sorry, you were saying?

My holidays go like this: TSD TSD TSD HOMEWORK TSD TSD TSD NETBALL DEBATE TSD TSD TSD EXAMS TSD TSD TSD & all the other small things.
From here i can conclude that, TSD= LIFE.

" No they didn't die from the cold outside. But oh how they died, from the cold within."

ambiguity revealed 8:05 PM

Y
Sunday, June 1, 2008

NETBALL BBQ

Shawn's gone. ): As in, he ain't gonna be teachin' us anymore cause he's gone on to do other, greater, things. Pretty upset that he's gone though, the whole TSD class does. He gave us each a mask that'll serve as a momento. Shawn, we'll miss you so.